super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
