laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Shame - the story of my life.
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