Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
