I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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