ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Small penises have feelings too.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
