Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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