I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
