Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
