i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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