So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
