whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
