I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
