There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
