Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
