How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
