saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
