You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
