trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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