guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
