Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
