Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
