THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
