i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
