im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
