Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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