You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
