Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
