Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
