I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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