We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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