Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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