you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Duck Duck Cougar?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
