im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
