I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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