I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
