so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
