I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
