remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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