I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Shame - the story of my life.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
