Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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