So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
