I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
