Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
