im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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