If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
