If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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