Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
