Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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