More tranny stories later!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
