Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let's get the cat blown out
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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