well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
