somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
