She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
